We've all been there; whether we are the person on the receiving end or the poor sod who was convinced that their pick up line would actually gain them anything other than a pity smile. Picking up anyone isn't easy but surely anyone with a bit of wit would know the difference between a cheesy and downright sad move at match making, to actually figuring out that holding a conversation is more than likely to lead to something.
Lucky me* I got to experience all sorts of train wrecks while exploring Europe as a solo female traveler, below are my top 5 picks from the past 4 months.
*Figure of speech, not actually defining myself as lucky.
(This is probably my most favourite attempted pick up)
I was walking through the Tomorrowland grounds minding my own happy business and a young man approached me also extremely happy and hopefully saying "would you like to kiss a Mexican today?!" with his arms slightly outstretched by his sides, as I was in such a good mood I replied with a huge grin and said "No thank you!" and continued to walk, I looked back and he still had his hands outstretched standing in the same position but his facial expression had switched to one where he seemed confused and trying to calculate the odds of how that overused pick up line did not work the 50th time around. I actually felt a little bit bad for him hahah.
While dancing in front of the crowd squeezed up against the crowd barrier metres away from the DJ booth at an outside club, a fella dancing in the VIP section walks down to me and yells in my ear "My friend wants to kiss you!" I turn to him and politely and happily decline. You would think the conversation would end there? Nope. He looks confused and asked me why I said no....I replied "Because I don't want to?" And shot him an 'are you a dumb arse?' look.
Firstly Why would I want to kiss a man who can't even talk to the girl first?
Secondly My 'no' needs no justification; thats my decision based on my own scientific research of "How Not to Waste Time with dumb asses".
A man follows me out of the crowd after watching some street performers and taps me on the shoulder with his extended selfie stick, I turn around and wave politely but continue walking. He proceeds to run in front of me and in broken English asks me if I'm travelling and if I'm with anyone. I blatantly lie and say that I'm walking to meet some friends just down the road. The short man then asks to add me on Facebook, which I obviously told him no. This little man, even after me giving him a few negative signals, then tells me to walk with him. I tell him no thank you to which of course he questions, I tell him that I'm not going to walk with him because I don't know him. Little man responds with a smile and says "no it's okay, come, walk". Again I said no and began walking away from him. Now to this day I'm not entirely sure whether this was an attempted pick up or and attempted abduction in order to steal my kidneys.
My first night in Berlin I met an Estonian dude at my hostel who seemed nice enough and was extremely chatty. The following night I met him and his friend down at the hostel bar where they were drinking Jaegermeister which they bought themselves from a liquor store. I wasn't feeling in the mood to drink and opted for a cup of tea, but even though I politely declined their Jaeger they poured about two shots into my empty cup which was still holding my tea bag and they expected me to drink it, from this point I knew I wasn't heading to any bar with them as they were big absolute twats. As the night progressed the Estonia shuffled his way down the bench seat closer to me eventually finding myself at tipping point on the edge of the plank, even when during all our chats I made conscious decisions to mention my boyfriend in conversation and to have my phone face up which showed my lock screen of both of us, and the Estonian would blatantly read my messages over my shoulder. At one point he weirdly stroked the inside of my forearm and complimented the white tone of my skin? I avoided any more direct conversation with him and managed to ween my way into another conversation at a different part of the table. The last I saw of the Estonian was him sitting down opposite me and shooting me a look which I don't even know how to describe.
Now this one is on a whole other level, to which it also has its own seperate blog post which you can read here. It involves negative gestures, stalking from across a dance floor, and *wait for it* a knife wielding man coming at me, my mate and our pies...
A word of advice for anyone wanting to find that special someone; being able to spark up a normal conversation and holding it will get you further than any 80's romantic self help book would. I've gained some amazing male friends while travelling who's initial goal was to 'get to know me better', but after realising I'm off the market our conversations continued and I ended up becoming a (very successful) wing woman for some of them.
And for the love of god don't ask us why we say no when we do, we aren't going to magically realise that our own decision is wrong and suddenly jump on the guy who asked to kiss us.
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